She’s still talking to her stuffed animals in her bed. We put her down at 9:45 pm. This is not unusual. Thankfully, most days she’ll stay in bed until at least 8:30 am.
We are singing a lot of “Ruboff” (her word for Rudolph) the red nose reindeer and “Santa Claus is coming to town.” She isn’t allowing us to sing much of anything else. We call her the song Nazi.
I’ve been thinking about this for some time and have become even more sure of one thing: God is faithful. In worldly terms, knowing that your unborn son has a significant probability (1/8 chance) of having a genetic disorder is no doubt unsettling. But when viewed in the larger perspective of God’s mercy towards me, I actually see it as a blessing. What an opportunity to newly understand how unworthy I am of anything good in the first place. Why did he choose to save me or Emily? What did we do to deserve eternal bliss with our Creator? How could I begin to comprehend the larger plan he has for our family regardless of the outcome of this particular trial? I don’t know what’s best for our family. My Creator does, thankfully.
My flesh longs for a perfectly “normal” boy. However, my flesh leads me astray all the time. My dependence is on the Holy Spirit who lives in me. The Spirit reminds me:
2 Corinthians 4:16-18 (New International Version)
16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
I was telling Emily today that, for me, it’s almost easier to trust in God when you know He is testing to see if you will indeed trust Him. It’s in my face everyday. There’s no doubt what His will for my life is right now: Trust Him. So many times before I’ve struggled trusting Him when everything was going well for me. It’s so tempting to think that you don’t need trust Him much in those times. This has once again reminded me to trust Him for my every breath, much less to trust Him to work His will out to perfection in this particular trial. I hope those who read this will do the same. Trust God in everything you do today, and then again tomorrow. He knitted you in your mother’s womb, he new the number of your days before you were born, and he promises those of us who have trusted him for their salvation that NOTHING can separate us from His love. In short, He is worthy of your trust and your hope and your passionate devotion.