1. Your hair dresser refers to your “natural highlights” more than once at your last hair appointment.
2. Your mind thinks of only one thing when you hear the words “nip,” “tuck,” “augment” and “lift.”
3. There really might be something to those anti-cellulite creams….I mean, they wouldn’t sell them if the didn’t work, right?
4. You’ve found a wiry white chin hair.
I think Seth is looking for one of those stray hairs here
5. You can’t see well enough to pluck the chin hair on the first attempt without already pricking your chin a few times.
6. You can eat a large meal one day and truly feel full enough to skip a few meals….or a few days.
7. And what about those wrinkle creams? Those have to work- have you seen the magazine ads? 34% improvement in skin elasticity seems to be substantial.
8. You can’t remember the last time you exfoliated or deep-conditioned your hair because showers (for a stay-home mom) are now fast and furious.
9. You’ve got more stuff than you’ve ever had in your life, and less time to actually sit down and enjoy it.
10. Your child now insists you play the role of “the grandmother” when you are playing together in her room. And you beg to be the dog instead.
11. “You don’t look a day over 25!” See there- they’ve upped the ante….it used to be 20!
12. Kids on American Idol say they grew up listening to certain songs/artists; you can recall a time and place when that album hit Billboard’s #1.
13. And for that matter- you throw in the towel. “So You Know You Can’t Dance!”
14. You found an old t-shirt from college that you can’t bear to throw out and lament that it is more than a decade old.
15. Sunscreen is cool.
16. You seriously contemplate not taking the fashion train to the grocery store this time. Do I really care if I see someone I know?
17. Without a doubt, you know which ear you hear out of best.
18. Your body begins to shut down around 10 pm.
19. Should I save up for some new clothes or a new microwave? Man, that’s a tough call….
20. There are certain foods you just shouldn’t eat anymore.
21. Stress at 21 was a joke….how many hours did I waste worrying about stupid stuff?
22. Fit flops….now why didn’t I think of that and how fast can I get a pair?
23. The word “practical” crosses your lips now more than ever.
24. Your doctor just flat-out says, “Well, you are getting older. And we need to keep an eye on that blood pressure.”
25. You desperately try to hang on to teenagers’ music, but you are starting to feel a bit disconnected. YOUR music is now thrown into the broad category of a certain decade.
26. What exactly is the meaning of “krunk?”
27. When reading a text message from people 10 years or more younger, you feel as though you’re trying to translate hieroglyphics.
28. Shorts hit the knee now. IF you even own them….
29. Life is a blur until coffee hits the brain.
30. Women in their 20’s hear the verse Proverbs 11:22 a lot; People my age cling to Proverbs 31:30.
Happy Birthday, dear self. I’ve had a good laugh (and hope you have too)!